Awkward: the most gringo word on earth.

This, anyhow, is what I have concluded after months of searching for a translation for this word. On a much earlier post, I asked for ideas. Some people suggested incomodo, or "uncomfortable," but my bilingual Argentinian friend nixed this. I also agree in my limited understanding that it doesn't fit the bill. So ever since I've been pursuing a translation on and off.

Why? Well, because living in Chile is the singular most awkward experience of my life. Showing up in an isolated, Spanish-speaking country where people both do not tend to speak English and are also somewhat wary and insulated from foreigners, without any Spanish whatsoever: every day since February 7, 2008, has been a succession of awkward events. Add in trying to make new friends, learn a new profession, live with somebody else's family, and navigate a new city, and you have a host of extra (as if that were necessary) awkward moments.

As such, it's been rather frusturating to me that I am unable to express this word in Spanish. Given that I live with Chileans and also do my best to befriend others (with pretty unsatisfactory results up to this point, unfortunately) I would like to be able to describe my day accurately.

I've finally figured out why the search for this word has proved so difficult. The reason: awkward is an invention of gringos. The concept does not exist in latin culture.

I've discovered this through a series of interviews with Chileans in which I explain awkward scenarios to them in an effort to elicit the word one would use to describe them. In every instance, the Chilean in question has looked at me as if to say...."So?" Well, actually, they've said the Spanish equivalent. Consider the following example (in which I am portraying myself as far more articulate than I actually am in this language):

"So you're at a dinner party," I suggested to my host sister. "All of a sudden a guy says something kind of mean and personal about his girlfriend. So everyone gets kind of quiet and tries to pretend that they didn't hear what happened."

I looked at her expectantly. "No," she said, "if it's not too bad, then it's funny. And if the guy is out of line, then you'd be like, 'What are you saying to her?! Back off!'"

I tried again. "Sometimes it can be sort of an endearing quality. Like a friend who always says the wrong thing at the wrong time."

"Like acting autistic?" she asked. (Disclaimer: Translation! Don't blame me for lack of PCness, I'm writing about Chile here).

"No, no, not like that, just someone who always comes out with odd things or things that kind of don't fit or shouldn't be said right then, but it's kind of funny because of that."

"So it's someone who's got a good sense of humor," she said.

This is only a sampler. I've had quite a few conversations like this (and this particular one extended a good deal longer).

There are no awkward silences, it seems, because either everyone is talking at once or no one is talking because they have no interest in talking. End of story.

There are no awkward foot-in-mouth moments, because no one is going to pretend they didn't hear what you said. You're just plain in trouble, that's all.

There are no awkward people, because what we would consider awkwardness is either a sense of humor or social backwardness.

When I think about this subject I get a split screen image in my head of my dinner party scenario: on the left, 6 people with tea nervously avoiding eye contact with one another, rattling cutlery and making pointless cover-up small talk. Perhaps also some throat-clearing, and maybe the hostess might hustle the girlfriend off into the kitchen and shoot a silent reproachful look at the offender on their return. On the right: six Chileans yelling at one another with many of those long intonations that swoop from the gutteral up into the highest registers of the human voice (frequently heard in "nooooooooo, meeeentiiiiiirrraaaaaa"); with the women scolding the men in defense of the scorned girlfriend and the men raucously defending their friend's right to free speech.

So far I have managed to come upon one situation which can possibly be awkward: when riding in ascensores, people are unsure whether or not to say hello to everyone--because it's very small, but it is still public transportation. You would say hello to everyone in a small room--but not everyone on a micro. Still, nonetheless, my host sister at least does not find this to be "awkward" in the sense that I would if I were coming from her cultural perspective (of course I don't say hi to anyone, and I find that normal, but I'm an icy gringa). She just thinks it's funny that half the people say hi and half don't.

So, fellow gringos, if you find yourself in awkward scenarios and wish to explain this to the latins in your life, I suggest you do what I did: after careful explanations lasting a good half an hour, my host family now understands the word "awkward," at least in the sense that it pertains somehow to gringos becoming nervous when dealing with social situations (they call me autistic, too). Nonetheless, at least in my house, "awkward" has now been adopted into the pantheon of Chilean modismos.