The Chilenos

Well, I am having one of those days, and so it is that I am going to share some cultural observations regarding Chilean men.

I have blond hair and my skin does not produce enough melatonin to protect me from the sun. I don't know, perhaps I'm meant to blend into an arctic landscape so that I won't be eaten by polar bears. Bizzarely, I was born this way, and, it's been rumored, so are many, many other people.

In Chile I am an Attractive Freak of Nature (hereafter referred to as AFN).

This presents some difficulties. This is a culture where a large percentage of men seem to devote a good third of their waking hours to harassing any woman who comes within range. This is not limited to AFNs. I have heard absolutely bizarre stories from Chilenas. One girl told a story at dinner one night: she was standing on the street talking to a friend, and a guy came by on a bicycle, reached up her skirt and grabbed her crotch, and then kept going. Everyone at the dinner table gave a big hearty "oh, boys will be boys!" laugh. Including the girl in question. I personally would have thrown a rock at the bicyclist.

So, it is by no means to be assumed that I and my other melatonin-deprived brethren are the only women being treated oddly. If you watch some Chilean men in the street, it is absolutely fascinating. They seem to be duty-bound (a secret brotherhood, perhaps?) to make some sort of comment or noise at every woman who passes them. This is time consuming, as I've mentioned. There are a lot of pedestrians in this city. As such I have seen men standing in the street devoted solely to the task of whistling at people. I might be missing the point, but, que fome! I would be bored to tears. Why don't these men take the energy they put into yelling at women who ignore them, and use it to actually go converse with some women? They might get better results out of that approach (just a thought). I am willing to bet that not once has any instance of catcalling resulted in a woman turning around and propositioning the catcaller (unless of course she is being paid, but that is another matter).

This is life in general. As an AFN, the attention level is absolutely out of this world. I have confirmation that blondes get it worse: while I was walking with Only Friend Elisa, herself very attractive and clearly foreign, but brunette, she remarked that the creepiness level is far higher whenever she is walking with me. Also, I myself have noticed that it seems to go up on an exponential basis dependent on how many other blonde women I am walking with.

Sweet.

Reasons why this is not flattering:
1. My hair is not an achievement I can really take claim for. Oddly enough, I just sit back and it appears on its own.
2. I already feel like a foreigner at all times due to the fact that my Spanish is so basic. I really don't need to be reminded 14 times on the way to work.
3. If you are a student and I am carrying a teacher folder, you really ought not be whistling.
4. If you are a teacher and I am carrying a teacher folder, you really ought not be whistling.
5. I am going to go out on a limb and say that two inches from my face is well within my personal space bubble.

So. If you by chance are an AFN in Chile, you will be treated to such wonders as: cars stopping and reversing so that people can say crude things to you; young (young) boys coming up with incredibly colorful language, the creative little things; old (old) men cornering you with a shopping cart at the grocery store in order to give you their phone number; various people asking you to provide more detail regarding your eye and hair color (I am puzzled by this--what more information could I possibly have? I am on the inside of the face. I have very little contact with it).

One other oddity of all of this yelling and whistling. There are a number of sounds here that are completely new to me. One is that all Chilean (and Argentinian, at least as far as Mendoza goes) men seem to be trained in the exceptional art of making kissy noises at high decibal levels. I'm talking kissy noises that can be heard over four buses and a barking dog, from a moving car. Try making a kissy noise (if you are not in public of course--in that case I don't advise it). It is a very quiet noise. It is absolutely beyond me how these people are able to elevate it to the level of a shout. Really. This must be some sort of ancient secret passed down through the generations because I've never quite heard anything like it. And unfortunately I have the knee jerk urge to punch everyone who makes a kissy noise at me. Haven't done it yet, proud to say.

Also: hissing is complimentary here. Hissing. It makes me jump every time. I have also had people make cat noises at me, sing songs (Christina Aguilera "Beautiful," probably memorized for just such purposes), and make sort of odd shouting sounds that never in my life would I have imagined to be meant as complimentary (pre-Chile...now I know better).

Now, this is not isolated. I know this. I lived in France, which certainly rivals Chile in terms of the "you left your house, you obviously want feedback on your appearance" man-to-woman relationship. And to the men of both countries I say heartily: what on earth makes you think that I want your opinion? "Thank god that old man on the corner hissed at me, I was afraid that he might not be into me." Anyhow, in France I thought I would go mad. But in France I was Normal Looking. Now I am a Freak.

The Bearded Lady got paid, where's my check?